just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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