Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
