i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize