apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
