i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
