dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
how does that bad decision feel?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
