My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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