haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
