you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
