I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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