It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
