i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
