i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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