I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Never underestimate the power of titties
So here I am, sexting at work.
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