oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
