eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
