tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize