you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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