so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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