thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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