Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
honey bunches of taint.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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