i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dicks are not precious.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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