do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize