I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
