she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
