I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
