Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
