Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
