There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize