I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
