just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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