We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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