my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
