I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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