okay pat passed out under dana's car
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
