my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
