bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
