She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
