I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
