Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wear drunk well.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize