I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
