after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
