I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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