the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
