yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will be naked everywhere
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize