so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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