Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
