my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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