You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
