she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
