when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
