I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
