Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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