I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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