so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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