i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
