im six kinds of drunk right now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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