i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
