I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
