my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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