Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Boobs speak an international language.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
