it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
