maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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