apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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