Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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