WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
