so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
